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Hamptons Teen: CALL ME OLD-FASHIONED, but I’m Just a DAD
I have become increasingly aware and worried about the relaxed attitude of illicit drug use among teens in the Hamptons and beyond. But what are our teenagers to think? They see a more relaxed and accepting attitude regarding the use of marijuana due to the reduction of legal penalties and the sale of marijuana for recreational use in multiple states. This is in the news and has become a part of their realities.Happy Group Of People
What our teenagers do not realize is the increased documentation about the effects of marijuana on the teenage brain. We know that the development of the brain is very fluid until or between the ages of 21-25 years old. The way in which the brain is wired is open to impact by this and other drugs. I am not a prude nor am I unaware of the opportunities, interest, curiosity and pressure to smoke weed. A lot of us did it when we were young. But this isn’t our father’s (and mother’s) weed no more. Things like the juicy fruit strain are a lot different to what was being smoked back in the day. The THC (active ingredient that produces the high) content is many times more concentrated in today’s marijuana than in the weed our generation smoked. Many ‘brands’ of weed are genetically improved to the form of designer status. I’ve also recently heard that there are different ways that you can smoke weed these days, like through a helix pipe for example. Apparently it’s a cool thing to do. Consenting adults should have the option of doing whatever they want to do but it is imperative to fully inform our teenagers of the risks inherent in smoking pot. If you want to know more on marijuana from a dispensary with the opportunity to see their deals as well, you can Get info here from Rocky Mountain Blaze, who list all their pricing for you to get an idea of. I’m not saying weed is a completely bad thing. As I said, a lot of us used to smoke weed as teens and obviously there are many reported health benefits of smoking weed if it’s done responsibly. It is also doing good things for the economy; there are many new cannabis jobs saturating the employment market and it is raising millions of dollars in tax.
I have the same concerns about smoking cigarettes and underage drinking that I have towards smoking weed and I feel to some extent, these are a more insidious and risky behavior that is impacting our teenagers. I cannot tell you what is the percentage of teenagers smoking and drinking but I feel it is over 50% of the population. Maybe I’m old-fashioned but if you were to ask both of my daughters (18 and 25), I still harp on the need to show restraint and to use some forward thinking concerning their future plans and how use and abuse can derail their goals. Believe me, they get tired of ‘the talk’ but I continue just the same. Am I being successful… I don’t know but I hope so. They lead their own lives, much of the time out of my view but I do what I do anyways because I must! I have no illusions, I can’t protect them all the time, nor should I or will I try. I will tell them the real deal, give them the tools to make good decisions and pray for the best.
EVERYONE has my permission to warn me if they think my child’s behavior is a risk to them and I do not care if they don’t like it. If your kids have come to my house, they may have heard some rendition of ‘the talk’ as a natural inclination of mine to be protective and proactive towards the friends of my children. My kids have probably warned them to expect it sometimes. AGAIN, I don’t care. I will not preach or teach but this is a part of the way we conduct business in our home. I will not stop!
Now don’t get me wrong, I remember being a teenager and doing LOTS OF STUFF. I will not be a hypocrite and tell them to ‘do as I say and not as I do’. But the risks of life long impacts secondary to social media and ‘selfies’ of illicit behavior that can follow them FOREVER…there are no do-overs anymore. Society can be very unforgiving. We did not have to face these risks. Remember, the definition of a teenager is filled with doing DUMB THINGS. But it is this risk taking and feelings of invincibility that makes them so powerful and dynamic. It will be hard to convince them of the dangers because they LIKE danger!
One more trend that I am seeing; the use of illegal performance enhancing drugs (PED’s). The use of Human Growth Hormone and steroids among teenage athletes has increased exponentially. Kids want to look better and perform better and they are getting access to and using these drugs more and more. The lifelong effects of these PED’s and the health impacts are so pronounced and damaging that it is imperative that parents and adults of teenage athletes inform them of the risks. Encourage your school teams to educate their athletes of the dangers and make it part of their athletic curriculum.
From me to you….JUST BEING A DAD

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Hamptons Teen: Hamptons Got Talent Auditions 2015

Friday, March 13th-Thursday, March 19 2015

The Town of Southampton Youth Bureau is holding open auditions for their Second Annual Hamptons Got Talent Competition on Friday, March 13th from 4pm – 7:30pm at the Flanders Community Center located at 655 Flanders Road, Flanders. A second audition will take place on Thursday, March 19th from 4pm – 7:30pm at Southampton Town Hall. Any student in grades 5-12, residing in the Township of Southampton is eligible to enter the audition to showcase any of the following talents: singing, dancing, instruments, comedy, magic, or poetry. Contestants must bring to the audition any music they plan to perform to without vocals. Finalists selected will perform in the Hamptons Got Talent Competition on Saturday, April 25th from 7pm-10pm, location TBA. For additional audition information and application, please call the Youth Bureau at (631) 702-2432.hamptons_got_talent_picture_web_calendars_0

Hamptons Teen: SPEAK OUT…Say what you want 

CALLING ALL TEENS IN SAG HARBOR on Sunday, March 1st  4-6pm…. Speak Out! Teens to say what they want to see in Sag Harbor

Fresh voices and a youthful energy will bring in spring this year in Sag Harbor.

The Youth Resource Center of Sag Harbor, The Sag Harbor Youth Committee and The Sag Harbor Coalition are offering a Speak Out at Bay Street Theatre, on Long Wharf in Sag Harbor, March 1 from 4 to 6 pm.

The Sag Harbor Youth Committee is helping to underwrite the costs associated with the Speak Out and The Youth Resource Center of Sag Harbor and The Sag Harbor Coalition are helping to organize the event.

“The Speak Out is intended to let our youth be heard. Sag Harbor has had two Speak Outs before, in 1997 and 2000. Back then, our kids were angry; they had nothing to do. This was before SYS and the ReCenter, before the first local skateboard park at Red Creek and before the first Safe Summer Beach Program. Those Speak Outs brought attention to the lack of recreational facilities for kids and it led to an increase of programs offered to children on the eastern end of Southampton Town and the western end of East Hampton Town.”10461626_10206106258721263_6918463071028121158_n

 Speak Out came about in a Sag Harbor Coalition meeting, from a conversation community members were having about hosting an event that ‘empowered’ kids. It was suggested adults often have very little sense about what kids want or need, that perhaps kids could fill out a questionnaire or submit ideas. I suggested we do another Speak Out and this event has been evolving from there.”

The two first Speak Outs were developed by The Sag Harbor Youth Committee and were also held at Bay Street Theater.

Youth Committee founder Nada Barry remembers, “We had quite a turnout, the first one filled the theater, and what the kids had to say made it clear that there needed to be a change, that more resources had to be allocated to providing programs for our youth.”

This Speak Out will be patterned after the 1997 and 2000 events: a panel of community leaders will listen on stage; an emcee will set the level of expectation and decorum and participants will be able to ask questions of the leaders or make statements about what they like and about what they want to see in Sag Harbor.

As in those years, the Speak Out is recommended for young people in eighth grade and up. It is a teen-only event; parents will not be invited into the theater.

The members of this year’s Speak Out panel are being finalized, with representatives from the Sag Harbor school district, the Mashashimuet Park board, The John Jermain Library, the Sag Harbor Police Department, Sag Harbor village government, Bay Street Theater and local youth organizations among those being approached. A final roster of panelists will be announced in mid-February before the school vacation, about three weeks before the event.

The Sag Harbor Youth Committee will provide food and drink for the kids participating in the Speak Out. There is no fee for participation.

“This event is all about our kids being heard,” says Sag Harbor Coalition board member Benito Vila, “This is another instance where the kids bring the community together; they are our life blood and it’s our responsibility as parents and as community members to make sure they are able to thrive here as kids and go on to succeed in the world as adults.”

Kym Laube, executive director of the Westhampton-based prevention group, HUGS, Inc., and the Sag Harbor Coalition co-chair explained, “Often times adults think they know what’s best for kids and what kids think or believe. When we do not invite our youth to the table as partners and hear them out as we would any stakeholder then there is a significant missed opportunity. This Speak Out is the beginning of what we hope to be a long-lasting conversation, one that includes youth as a driving force and as partners.”

The Youth Resource Center of Sag Harbor is a non-profit, community-based agency offering “out-of-school” recreational activities for the Sag Harbor community. Those activities include widely-popular youth programs such as the Summer Beach program and the Pierson After School program.

The Sag Harbor Youth Committee, founded in 1997, is a not for profit 501c 3 organization, and is dedicated to publicizing, facilitating and planning constructive and enlightening activities to engage, entertain and educate youth in Sag Harbor.

The organization’s web site: sagharborkids.org, provides a listing of kid-friendly and family-oriented activities in the area.

Hamptons Teen: Celebrating PS I Love you week 2015
Teens across the country are celebrating P.S. I Love you week in celebration of Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.
PS I LOVE YOUP.S. I Love You Day is every second Friday of February in which I ask everyone to wear purple to show that they are standing up against bullying. This year it is going to be Friday, February 13, 2015. P.S. I Love You Day is a day to remind every individual that they are loved, needed in this world, and absolutely amazing. Also, it is a day to help end depression, end bullying, and ultimately end suicide. Wearing Purple will not only show that you’re standing up against bullying, but you will see everyone around you wearing purple, and know that you are never alone♥

10361255_984817938214560_4842888736067361404_nFebruary is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month… on February 10th 2015: RETREAT TEEN Organizer Helen Atkinson-Barnes and one of the Teen leaders Allura Leggard who is 15 and a Sophomore at Pierson HS started off the “PS I LOVE YOU WEEK CELEBRATION with a presentation to the Middle-schoolers in grades 6-8 at Pierson MS/HS in Sag Harbor NY.

10968449_10205722017074717_5160310601434988295_nAllura spoke about relationship abuse to the little things we can do to connect with others. She incorporates emojis into this presentation and demonstrates how they can be a part of your everyday life to connect with others. The united color for Teen Dating Awareness Month is Orange,but on Friday, February 13th the color is PURPLE in celebration on “P.S. I LOVE YOU DAY”
#‎Orange4Love‬‪#‎TeenDVmonth‬ “Do not let someone isolate you from family and friends! Watch out for mood swings or possessiveness! Know the signs of teen dating violence and abuse. You deserve to be loved!”

Yes Allura is my daughter, but she is also very passionate about and kind of abuse towards anyone. I might be a little bias, but I think she did a fantastic job, she was engaging and the kids really seemed to be paying attention. Well done Allura Leggard, looking forward to you speaking at more schools across Long Island on Relationship Abuse.

            Hamptons SUPER DAD….Last week I had an experience that I have to share with you, when I became Super Dad. I was on a line with 1000 teenagers. Literally. Let me explain how I arrived at that nightmare. On Friday, my youngest daughter, Allura and her two friends, Ana and Gabby were going to a concert in NYC. Something called HYPERGLOW. Say what???? I didn’t know what a Hyperglow was but Allura was excited beyond belief. Somehow, she had hoodwinked me into actually buying her ticket sometime ago. My more than frequent senior moment did not allow me to remember when I had actually bought the ticket but I knew I could use this generosity to my advantage sometime in the near future.

hyperglow

I am usually in the city during the week and Allura knows this. She was getting driven in by  her friend Gabby’s mom, Lorraine and somehow she assumed that they were running late. I got a call from Allura around 5pm and in her best TEENAGER FRANTIC ‘The World Is Ending’ voice pleads with me. “Dad, can you go to the concert and wait on the line for me, we’re running late.” Say whatttt????

So I replied in my best, ‘I’m not going to let her know I am rolling on the floor in laughter and disbelief’ voice say…. HECK NO!!!!! I’m not waiting on anybody’s line. ‘Aw Dad, Come on, PLEASEEEEEES!!!!” I stand my ground to the onslaught of pleads and empty promises. “No, I’m not going to wait on that line.’ Now before you cheer or call me a hero or a beast, I have to tell you it was a cold night. And I don’t wait on lines for anything anyway. Not Jet, Met or Knick’s tickets. I hear you snickering back there. Why would I wait on line for those tickets anyway, right? But I digress.

After the concert Vanessa and I were staying in the city anyway and during the time the girls were going to be occupied, Vanessa, Lorraine and I were going to have dinner and meet up with friends for some drinks. I decided to go to the city early and scout out where the concert was being held. Hyperglow, I found out, was this MAJOR concert that the kids like to attend because it showcases up and coming DJ’s. a major party ensues. OK, I have gone to a few of these in my life and I had already given Allura the Dad talk about what not to do and how to look for all the exits in case something happens, to avoid dangers, blah, blah, blah….. What can I say? She’s 14 and has to get her experiences in early before all the crap begins. I did my part.1560385_546797988769409_992134305_n

I drove up to 48th St. between 11th and 12th Avenue and saw the beginnings of a major line, snaking from the North-West corner of 48th St. around and up 11th Avenue. Oh, Oh. Allura may have been right that she and her friends were going to be in trouble. The line was forming fast. As I drove down 48th St., Lo and Behold I saw a parking spot. There is NEVER parking spots at this time of night. Now let me tell you; it was about 6:15 and parking begins at 7 but I kind of knew I was safe to park there without too much fear of a ticket or tow. Now if there was no parking, I could have gotten away scott free…..but nooooooo. There it was, ample room to park. As I got out of the car I glanced up to the sky and asked God…REALLY??????? This spot just had to be there, right? I knew the dye was cast. I was going to do it. I was going to be a KING SIZED SUCKER. I was going to try to wait on line.

I went up to one of the bouncers who really didn’t want to talk to me and asked him if I could wait on the line. Almost dismissively he looked at me giving me an ‘are you CRAZY’ look and said. The line isn’t here, as I looked at more than 100 insanely dressed and overly loud teenagers. ‘The OVERFLOW line is down the block.’ Oh, Oh. Did he say OVERFLOW?????? What the heck does that mean? Then I found out. Up 48th St., past the UPS entrance, there was some barricades set up and there were about a 100 more kids waiting on-line. Oh GREAT! As I made my way back to that line, I saw that it wasn’t that bad. It was close to the entrance to the concert and if I got on line, Allura and her friends would get in fairly quickly.

I asked another bouncer/security if I could hold a place in line, half of me hoping that he would say no. He said I could, so I took my place in line. There was a lot of security, all big men and no-nonsense. Some of the biggest humans I have ever seen. That made me happy. Security was pretty well-organized and well prepared for crowd control. It was 6:30 now.

The kids in front of me turned to look at me with that, ‘ are you kidding me look.’ I quickly told them ‘I’m not going in there, I’m holding a place for my daughter.’ I somehow felt the need to justify my being there to a teenage boy, who was taller than me, with acne on his face! I know I could take him in a tussle, if it lasted less than a minute, I knew I could. I don’t know why that thought crossed my mind but I felt defensive. My daughter was going to be around guys like this ALL NIGHT. I felt protective. The kid laughed and was really good-natured and said ‘ok, dude.’ DUDE! He went back to talking to his friends. The line started to form very quickly behind me. I had not called Allura to tell her I was on-line, just in case I wanted to bail out. Better to keep her in the dark. It was getting colder and I was not a happy camper. 6:45. Why am I on line with a bunch of POPULAR girls next to me. Every kid that walks by they know and it is an immediate eruption…“DUDE, you’re here, what’s up??? yadda, yadda, yadda.” Oh Boy!!! I called Allura to let her know I was on line for her and she screamed! ‘You’re the best, Dad’ was the nature of her  immediate response and I knew it to be true. As I basked in the glow of her love, the wind whipped up and I started to feel like I had made a bad decision.

The smartest thing I did was bring my Playstation Vita with me. I was able to play tennis and baseball to help me keep my sanity and my mind off the cold, cold wind. The girls next to me were talkative (well duh!) and I saw them past a inquisitive glance my way as if to ask, ‘what the heck are you doing here?’ I kept on playing. The funniest thing I overheard (and I heard some very funny things) was how teenagers use curse words. I started thinking… that curse has never been used in the form of a verb before but after considering it, I could see the usage. Teenagers curse every chance they get. It must be a status symbol or something, maybe a contest, who can curse the best, the most and without taking a breath! Too funny. I saw hook ups, cuddling but mostly I saw kids having fun. I didn’t see anyone drinking or smoking weed but I know it was abundant. I overheard the deals being made for distribution and how to get home safely. I heard girls critiquing what other girls were wearing or not wearing as they had on the skimpiest shorts I have ever seen in my life. And it was COLD!!!!! Ah, youth, you got to love them.

Finally, the girls that were right behind me couldn’t bear not to ask me why I was there. When they asked if I was holding the place for someone and I said my daughter….. DA, DA, DA DAHHH! I became an INSTANT celebrity. I transformed from grumpy, sketchy questionable grandpa to SUPER DAD!

“REALLY, you’re here in line for your daughter??? You are the SH-T!!!!”, I was told. I didn’t even mind that I was being referred to as a curse because it was a term of endearment. “My Dad would never do this” (maybe because he is sane). “Your daughter is the luckiest girl in the world” (I think I’m liking this now). “I want you to be my Dad” (don’t push your luck and be careful what you ask for, just ask Allura). The kids were really animated now and asked me where I was from. When I told them Sag Harbor, they really got excited because they were from Hampton Bays. We were neighbors and now they knew the depth of my ‘SACRIFICE.’ When I told them I work in the city and my sacrifice wasn’t so great, they looked at me like I was crazy for going to the city almost every day. Never-the-less, I was a full blown hero now. When I called Allura at 7pm for an update where she was at, she let me know that they were out of the Midtown Tunnel and coming up 12th Avenue and about 40th St. I knew my ordeal was about to come to an end but then the Hampton Bays girls asked whether Allura played any sports and when I told them she ran track and played field hockey, the girls screamed. These girls were on the field hockey team and maybe knew Allura. I asked them to talk to Allura on the phone and they commenced to tell her what a cool Dad I was. Street Cred! Laughing, they handed me back the phone and I could hear my daughter laughing hysterically. A miserable night had suddenly become a classic.

I saw my chance. I became Super Dad and I started talking to the girls and guys about the Do’s and Don’ts of hanging out at a concert (full parent mode but without the lecture overtone). They appeared to listen as I told them how to do things in moderation and safely. One girl said her father told her to never take anything synthetic. I told her that was a good start! They were all good sports to listen but I knew my presence had almost reached it’s expiration date. Quickly, I did what any self respecting Super Hero would do before he changed back into his secret identity, I took a selfie with the kids.kurt selfie

Allura really had a great time at Hyperglow and came back to us safely. I hope all the kids got home safely too. Especially the Hampton Bays girls. They were really great and fun to be around. It made me remember what I sometimes forget. This is the time of our kid’s lives and they must do the things they do. Fun is a key element to their growth and development, so is excess. In order for us to see the fun they should have it is important to step outside of what we normally would do and walk in their shoes. Maybe even, stand in line.